still not over it

Oh, Michael.
God bless and watch over your children in Joe Jackson's house. I am praying for them.

michael

It doesn't matter who or what you believe Michael Jackson was in his life, he was always a child of God and a hugely talented musician and artist. And now that he's gone, the world will finally give him some peace. That's all he wanted and now God will provide it. Michael, thank you for sharing your enormous gifts with us. Thank you for being the first music I ever fell in love with. From the first moment of "Wanna Be Startin' Somethin'" on my little cassette player in 1983, I have always loved Michael Jackson and I always will. I have a small hole in my heart now. He was family to me. God bless his children, friends, fans and family.

The Black Dog

Never give in. Never give in. Never, never, never, never–in nothing, great or small, large or petty–never give in, except to convictions of honor and good sense. Never yield to force. Never yield to the apparently overwhelming might of the enemy.

~ Winston Churchill

Oblivious

RANT OF THE DAY: What is UP with guys who start their personal page off with telling everyone how GROWN they are. How much love they have for God and their personal growth. Then you scroll down the page. A fat-assed girl in Daisy Dukes looking over her shoulder is NOT a comment!!! Let me just tell you what that says to others who visit your page. It says you are "friends" with people who don't understand that it is inappropriate to show either your own bare a55 or a depiction of one to anyone but their significant other. It also says that you ( the page owner) also don't understand that it is inappropriate to leave it there. TAKE IT DOWN. If you care AT ALL what opinion a reasonably intelligent, God-loving, DECENT woman thinks of you. What would YOU think when you visit a woman's page (or home) and she's got pics of a shirtless Morris Chestnut or Dwayne Johnson plastered all over. Makes you think she's immature and kinda 5lutty, right? Of course it does. And nine times outta ten, she IS immature and 5lutty. Many people think the point of being grown is that you don't care what others think but the real secret to being grown is that you care what people think without letting it define you. By leaving those pictures on the page, you tell others exactly what to think of you. And we aren't thinking good things....

My New BFF

I met my new best friend last night. I mean, I've known her for a long time but we never really felt that close and now it's like we clicked. I have to admit that I have always been quite judgemental towards her - second-guessing her decisions, questioning her parenting, not sure if I really wanted to spend the time and effort to get to know her better because sometimes she's WICKED bitchy. She's pretty much textbook tempermental - like Katy Perry says, you're hot then you're cold. I can't tell you what it is that I like so much about her now. Perhaps she has just grown on me and I've come to appreciate her finer points. Such as her constant respect for others in the face of overwhelming evidence that humans (and a few members of other species) are basically all assholes. Or maybe it's her undaunting, never-ending supply of one-liners, pop culture references, and quick-witted repartee. She can fit a song lyric into any conversation. She can make almost anyone smile. She has taken a lot of bullshit in her life but has learned to use it and learn from it. She knows a little bit about a lot of things. She has strong opinions, loves Asian food and can't do math. She is totally hopeless with directions. She ends up loving people who can't seem to love her back. She is crazy about her daughter but tries to play the Tough Mom who doesn't show it too much. I feel really positive about being her friend. She would never intenionally hurt me, although she has a temper and might say some wacked out shit when she's mad. She uses 3 and 4 syllable words when she really wants to put you in your place. It's hilarious. She takes a lot of pride in doing her job well and works hard at growing into a better employee. She is hurt easily but would never admit that to anyone. She masks all her sad feelings with anger and bitterness but she just wants to be understood. I understand her. She is me.

Personal Part Deux

I posted a previous entry touching briefly on the topic of online personal ads and the websites which host them. There was a deeper tumor of thought in there, though, way down in the gray matter. The premise of a personals website is that the majority of people represent some version of normalcy. So what happens to the rest of us who by accident or design, are nowhere near the accepted understanding of normal? It's like high school again. This is the website for dorks, this one for the BBWs and their lovers, this one for single parents, this one Trekkies (so funny). None of them have figured out that some of us are all those things. I don't want to be pigeon-holed. Plus it cuts down on your dating pool. What happened to opposites attracting? For example, where is the part in the profile where you explain that while you may not be a supermodel, you are a wildcat in bed? You can't write that!! You will have all the pervs knocking down your online door to get to you for one good screw while the other disgruntled guys hound you with "fat cow" and "fat bitch" comments because they are pissed off about the fact that most skinny, pretty girls are shit in bed. Also, where is the section for things you would never admit to anyone, even with red-hot pokers under your fingernails? Like the fact that your grandfather still calls people "colored" and that your family may or may not have been slave owners? How is that gonna fly on Black Planet? That being said, the question of how much or how little to reveal to anyone has always been a fine line, even when your first date is on the Internet. Trust must be earned but then, how can someone trust you in return when they feel you are withholding information, too? Maybe there never is a "right time" and it's best to just let it all hang out. Isn't it game-playing to dole out tidbits of yourself on a time-managed basis? Maybe so, maybe no. One thing I will recommend to all those looking for love, though. READ "He's Just Not That Into You". Trust me, it's the perfect advice book. Funny AND true.

Entitlement Complex or How To Act Like A Toddler

I am a former. A former smoker, former drug-user, former boyfriend doormat, former user of people. The only one I can really say shames me is the last one. All the other behaviors I have come to terms with and have completely erased from my life. I have to admit to still slipping up on that last one. I really REALLY make an effort, every day, to be aware of my needs and meet all of them myself. In my short and by no means excuse-making defense, I have untreated depression and anxiety. I deal with it the best I can. My previous experience with drugs used for the "management" of depression was not good, to say the least. That said, I have been known to get a little needy/whiny/pity-party on occasion. The thing is that I have been observing people engaging in behavior that goes way beyond your normal range of cutting someone a break and even just plain kindness. I have learned, through some very hard lessons, that the human being is a shameless opportunist. Some to a greater degree than others. I am not so naive as to believe in the goodness of those who no one is watching. What I am talking about is a complete and utter breakdown of laws, values, and appropriate behaviors and the attitudes of those involved in these behaviors. When you cut me off in traffic and endanger my life and my car, I am supposed to just keep calmly driving along? Yes, because if I do something about it, such as calling the police or following you to your destination to give you a piece of my mind, that makes me a tattle or a pyscho. When you "invent" a parking spot closer to the store or pull up into a fire lane for 15 minutes, does that mean that you feel the cold more than me or that you are in more of a hurry? No, you are an inconsiderate jerk who thinks that rules don't apply to him. If you truly needed to park closer for a legitimate reason, you would have a handicapped sticker. When you show up for a 3 PM appointment at 12:30 (true story), am I supposed to skip my lunch and catching up time to accomodate you? Yes, because there are 2 snowflakes outside and you are afraid to drive from your assisted living complex 1.75 miles away. Oh, did I mention that OBVIOUSLY you should do whatever you want, whenever you want because you are a senior citizen? Of COURSE you can be ureasonable and rude, you're 78 years old. What about people who wander into your store at 4:55 pm and loiter for 4 minutes and then want to try something on? Oh, you were at work until 4:30? Oh, you poor thing - let me hold your designer purse while my daughter waits for her dinner so you can try on a clearance rack sweater. SURE, I would love to calculate the clearance price for you off the top of my head at 5:17 pm. I know that taking 50% of the last price on the tag is VERY taxing for someone who is using all their energy being selfish, inconsiderate and ignorant. I'm sure you wouldn't appreciate my alternate answer of "I'm sorry, I am closing, we're open 7 days a week, Thursdays until 8 pm." I'd much rather you ditch your 2 year old in the middle of my store with a poopy diaper and a serious tantrum brewing while you run next door to another store to browse on your own. You're welcome. Oh, you didn't say thank you? Of course you didn't. My mistake.